I used to be very focused on setting goals and taking action to achieve them. Tick the box, hit the target, move on to the next one.
For a long time I thought that was the game.
But here's the problem that approach.
When goal setting and going after your goals becomes all about the outcome, and you judge success on whether or not you achieve the goal, not only do you attach your own value to something external, but we also miss out on the real gold.
When we focus on the result alone, you end up attaching your personal value to whether you hit it or not. When we don't hit the goal, we feel down on ourselves, like we have failed, we're not enough.
And even if we hit the goal.and get the temporary high and validation of the achievement, it doesn't last. We're still training ourselves that our value exists in something outside of ourselves. We are only as good as our last success or achievement, so when you hit the goal, you're then straight on to the next one - chasing that feeling of being good enough.
I learned this the hard way.... living on an emotional rollercoaster of the ups and downs.
There is another problem with this too, we miss out on the glorious, messy journey of life. We are so focused on the destination we forget to be present in the journey.
So is the answer to stop setting goals?
No. I don't think that's it at all.
I still set goals, I set big goals - ones that feel scary, impossible and like a stretch.
But here's the difference - I don't attach to the outcome and I celebrate the action, not the outcome.
Letting go of the outcome
I know a lot of people talk about the idea of 'surrendering' and letting go of the outcome, and for a long time this didn't make sense to me at all. If you let go of the outcome, what is the point in setting the goal in the first place? You still want the thing or you wouldn't have set the goal in the fist place right?
Of course you do.
Letting go of the outcome doesn't mean you don't want the thing, or that you do nothing at all to make it happen. Letting go comprises of two things - a mindset shift and a practical one, these two things work together.
- We don't attach our value to it. Whether we achieve the goal or not - we choose to still love and accept ourselves. Our value is not based on what we achieve.
- We don't attach to the action. The second part of letting go is practical - we need to be able to take action on our goals without the need for it to immediately work out. Sometimes the thing we think will work doesn't and that's ok.
Letting go of the outcome is about not attaching our value to it, being ok with ourselves whether or not it works out. This is what letting go actually means.
Celebrating the action - not the outcome
Achieving something we have never done before often means doing something we have never done before, or doing something differently.
When we show up for ourselves, take action when we are afraid, full of self doubt, anxious, and have no evidence that it will work out... to me THAT is the real thing to celebrate. Whether we get the outcome we want or not.
Applying for a job eventhough your mind was telling you that you weren't ready, posting on social media when you felt scared, going to the gym class rather than watching netflix, putting down your phone and picking up your journal instead. Saying no to the thing you didn't want to do even when it felt uncomfortable.
The person you become when you take the uncomfortable action, even if it doesn't work out the way you want is the real gold.
Experiencing the adventure of life, pushing your limits.
The value of goals isn't in the outcome - its the way they help to guide us to get outside our comfort zone.
How I think about goals now
Reframing goal setting like this has taken the pressure off.
For me now there is no way to loose - because the win is about showing up and taking action not the outcome.
Understanding this been a game changer for me mentally, because ultimately this is also about self acceptance and self love too. The more we can celebrate and love ourselves each day the better.
So my challenge to you is this - set yourself a big goal, let go of the outcome, take action in the direction of achieving it and celebrate every step you take along the way.
If you want a practical way to turn your goals into action plans, check out our undated planners which are structured to help you do just that.
Happy planning,
Rebecca x